


three people steve rogers lost and one he managed to keep

by liveonthesun



Category: Captain America (2011), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-02
Updated: 2012-01-02
Packaged: 2017-10-28 18:37:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/310938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liveonthesun/pseuds/liveonthesun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve Rogers is fifteen years old the first time he gets drunk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	three people steve rogers lost and one he managed to keep

Steve Rogers is fifteen years old the first time he gets drunk.

Bucky hits a growth spurt that year, shoots up four inches as his shoulders broaden and his jawline hardens. Really, until now, they'd both been nothing more than two scrappy, scrawny boys with too much energy running through them as they ran through their neighborhood, playing games or running errands for the two older women who lived together across the street.

Steve watches as girls start taking notice of Bucky, as his best friend slips away. They'll walk home with them and talk to only him, ignoring Steve's attempts to enter the conversation. Bucky tries to include Steve as much as possible, and Steve is glad for it, really he is, but he sees the girls roll their eyes and politely declines, turning around and going the opposite direction so as not to see Bucky walk away.

Tonight though, as Steve is finishing up the dishes after his mother goes to bed, Bucky shows up at his door, two bottles of wine in hand and a sly smirk on his face, and says, "Don't ask questions, Rogers, just drink and be merry."

They lock themselves in Steve's room and it's not long until they're both fairly tipsy, laughing at nothing and covering their faces with pillows so as not to wake Steve's mother (though she works hard during the day and sleeps hard at night and Steve knows they could be screaming at the top of their lungs and she wouldn't know.)

"So do you like her?" Bucky asks.

"Helen?"

"Yeah. I think I might ask her to go steady."

"She seems...nice?"

"Nice?"

Steve sighs, takes another drink of the wine, picks at the quilt where it's starting to fray. "I don't know, Buck, I haven't been around her that much," he says, because it's the truth.

And then he says, "I miss you," because it's what's been at the front of his mind all night.

Bucky doesn't reply, but when Steve looks up, Bucky's staring back at him, and Steve can't read his face so he just says, "I'm sorry. I know you're happy and that spending time with girls is different, but...I'm sorry."

And Bucky shakes his head, bends down to put the bottle on the floor, moves forward and then his mouth is over Steve's.

It's, well, _warm_ is really all Steve can think right now, with his wine-warm body and his kiss-warm mouth, and _warm_ , warm is good.

 *****

It's not the only time it happens, but it's never more than this, just sloppy kisses when they're drunk, until the day comes Steve can't get drunk again.

By the time he realizes it, though, he wouldn't be able to kiss Bucky anyway.

 *** * ***

 _Fire_ is the best word he can think of to describe Agent Peggy Carter, with how she demands the attention of anyone around and consumes everything in the way of getting what she wants.

She punches a man in the face and Steve knows he loves her. She fires four bullets at him and he knows he's going to ask her to marry him. She says, _You won't be alone_ , and he knows it's time to say, _I love you_.

She's straddling his hips, her hands holding his own above his head and she kisses him and kisses him and kisses him. He can feel her breasts pressed to his chest, and he wants to, _oh god he wants to_ , so he surges forward, sits up, wraps his arms around her waist, and licks a stripe up the middle of her chest, tongue dipping into the hollow of her throat. She lets out a moan, takes his head in her hands and tilts his face up to kiss him again, slow and languid, and then buries her face against his neck as she reaches down between them and takes him in her hand.

"Would you," he says, "I mean, if I was still..." and he can't bring himself to finish the sentence, knows both that's probably not appropriate right now, but that he can't not know the answer.

She pauses, moves to look directly at him, and says, "Steve Rogers, are you asking me if I'd fuck you even if you hadn't undergone the serum?"

He nods, eyes moving away from hers, immediately ashamed of needing to ask.

But she smiles, runs the back of her hand over the side of his face, and says, "Yes."

And then she's sliding onto him and rolling her hips and Steve is falling back down onto the bed, letting her ride him until she comes, clenching around him, and it's not long until he follows.

 *****

She grabs him and kisses him before he boards the plane, makes plans for the future as they both know he's about to die, when he knows hers is the last voice he's ever going to hear.

He wakes up, though, and it's somehow seventy years later.

Her grave is the first place he goes when he's allowed outside of S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters. He lays a dozen red roses at her headstone, presses his forehead against the cold rock, and for the first time since he's woken up, he allows himself to cry.

 *** * ***

"We need you to sign these papers," Agent Coulson says, "saying you won't sue Stark Industries for rehabilitating you."

"Why would I..." Steve starts, and then, "Wait. Stark? As in Howard Stark? Is he still alive?"

"Yes, as in 'Howard Stark,' and no, he is not alive, but his son is, and when we told him that one of Stark Industries' expeditions had found you, he immediately wanted full protection making sure you wouldn't take legal action in case it turned out that you didn't want to be found and woken up, et cetera. So, Mr. Rogers, if you'll sign?"

"Yes, of course," he replies, and signs five sheets of paper without reading them and asks, "Why was Stark Industries looking for me?"

"Howard was always looking," Coulson replies. "He arranged for expeditions to go out every five years or so. He never told them to stop, so even after he passed, they kept on."

Steve doesn't know what to do with this new information. He already had Howard to thank for so much. He'd been there the whole time, pushing Steve to be better, encouraging him to do more, knowing that Captain America wasn't through being built just because Steve suddenly had a hundred more pounds on his body.

And he had never stopped, apparently, and Steve will never get to thank him.

Howard has _a son_ , though. A month ago Howard hadn't even had a girl, and now apparently he has a son. Steve isn't old enough to have dead friends with grown children.

 *****

As it turns out, Howard's son isn't the connection to his past that he'd hoped.

Tony scoffs at any mention of his father, changing the subject in pointed and obvious ways.

Steve wants to shake him, wants to tell him everything he has to thank his father for.

He doesn't though, just looks down his nose at him and says, "Big man in a suit of armor. Take that away and what are you?"

 *** * ***

In the end, Tony is...well, Tony is _everything_. He is Bucky's charm and Peggy's fire and Howard's brain, and this all makes him incredibly hard to get along with, but as time goes on, Steve realizes he wants to and so he tries and tries until it works.

They work together and fight together and live together and, eventually, sleep together.

Most importantly, though, they fit together, their lives clicking into place so easily that they're not sure why it took them so long to realize how badly it needed to happen.

Steve knows when to push Tony and when to back away. Tony knows when to disagree with Steve and when to just let him take charge.

Steve knows how Tony's brow furrows when he's working, how his nose crinkles when he laughs, how his breathing stutters when Steve bites at the inside of his thighs.

With Tony's late hours and Steve's early ones, it's really only a few hours a night that they're in bed asleep together, but it always wakes Steve up when Tony crawls in next to him at 2, 3, 4 in the morning. Steve rolls over and throws and arm over Tony's stomach, buries his face against his shoulder and murmurs, "love you," before dozing off again.

 *****

He watches Tony often. Just watches him work or drive or sleep as if he's afraid that if he looks away for too long, Tony will disappear suddenly.

They're in Tony's workshop, Tony's repairing the suit and Steve is lying on the futon with a sketchpad and pencil in hand, and Tony glances over and catches Steve's eye and says, "Like what you see?"

"No," Steve says, and Tony raises an eyebrow. "I mean, yes, of course, but that's not...it's just you're _here_ right now. I like the fact that you're here."

And Tony pauses for a second, then gives Steve a small smile that lets him know he gets it and says, "Yeah, babe. I'm right here."


End file.
